I recently completed an extremely personal piece of art titled, The Masking of Self-love. This creation took several weeks to complete, the spark of which was fueled by the most recent public uptick regarding the Epstein files. You see, I am an autistic queer person who is also the survivor of sex trafficking, childhood sexual assault, rape, and domestic violence. This artistic work is rooted within these lived experiences.
As the current administration has exposed the dark dense underbelly of humankind, the target on the back of minority groups has grown. Hatred and violence toward those labeled as different, as other, is openly encouraged. The attempt at erasure is being blatantly committed, no longer hidden.
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The Masking of Self-Love by Ann Rene
There is a type of labor that often goes unseen. It is quiet, constant, and exhausting. It is the labor of masking, of shaping the self into something safer, more acceptable, more digestible to a world that often punishes authenticity. The Masking of Self-Love was created to examine this lifelong effort: how self-love can be fractured, hidden, and negotiated simply in order to survive.
For most autistic individuals, masking becomes a learned survival strategy. From a young age, there is often pressure to appear “normal,” “pleasant,” or “palatable.” Social cues are studied, gestures are copied, tone is adjusted, and natural instincts are suppressed. It becomes a continuous performance that is shaped by the need to avoid rejection, confusion, or punishment. Over time, the line between the performed self and the authentic self can blur, leaving exhaustion and disconnection in its wake.
Queerness introduces another layer of vigilance. It becomes a constant calculation: Is it safe to be visible here? Can I hold my partner’s hand? Can I speak freely about who I am, or must I edit myself to stay safe? Love, something that should be expansive and liberating, is often muted or hidden. Parts of the self are obscured in order to survive in a world that can be dangerous to those who live outside its narrow expectations.
The trauma of sexual assault further complicates the relationship with the self. It introduces rupture, dissociation, and a deep disruption of bodily autonomy and trust. The body, which ideally is a place of safety and belonging, can become a site of negotiation instead. Self-love, within this context, becomes something that must be relearned slowly, piece by piece, step by step.
Masking then becomes a necessity of embodied survival.
Within these conditions, self-love becomes something fragile. Something tucked away beneath behaviors, identities, and performances designed to ensure survival. Each of these identities carries its own negotiations with visibility, safety, and belonging. Together, they create layers of experience that shape how a person moves through the world, how they are seen, and how they learn to see themselves. Many times, layers of cover become necessary to protect these “unacceptable” parts of self. Doing so often creates confusion regarding what is self and what is not self. This act of covering up one’s truth has the potential to usurp any sense of sovereignty, empowerment, and self-truth.
The Masking of Self-Love speaks to endurance. It acknowledges the exhaustion of constant self-monitoring, the cost of being unseen or misunderstood, and the quiet defiance of continuing to exist. Of continuing to seek love for oneself, even after violation. Especially after violation.
This piece invites viewers to consider how many layers people wear through the necessity of survival. It asks us to recognize the strength required to remain intact beneath masks that can suffocate, distort, or even erase a sense of self.
And yet, all of that being said, there is a prevalent sense of hope rising up, one that resides within all of this. An opportunity for growth into authenticity, truth, empowerment, and sovereignty of one’s soul. The veil can be pulled back through self-honesty and the courage to roll sleeves up and do a deep dive into shadow work and healing.
Beneath those imposed surfaces, something persists.
A Self that is still alive.
A Self that has endured.
A Self that, despite everything, continues to seek love.
And that is the hope and truth beneath the mask.
